tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25834276.post114814000863447136..comments2024-02-25T06:30:11.769-08:00Comments on Green Fertility: How Working With Birth Mothers Colored My Ideas About AdoptionGreenFertilityhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10386105175441718294noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25834276.post-38630080516772475752008-05-10T03:40:00.000-07:002008-05-10T03:40:00.000-07:00Thank you for adding to the discussion!Thank you for adding to the discussion!GreenFertilityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10386105175441718294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25834276.post-9889248101265500562008-05-09T10:02:00.000-07:002008-05-09T10:02:00.000-07:00Hi- Very nice and needed work. I am a birth mothe...Hi- Very nice and needed work. I am a birth mother who was forced to surrender in the 70's. Having been in reunion for 11 years now, I can tell you that even though my child was raised well and in a very loving home, he did suffer the loss of his biological connection. The loss was so profound way that the adoptive parents were actually relieved when I found him at age 18. <BR/>Another poster stated that she knew an attorney who didnt want her child and gave it up recently. I believe the birth mother loved her child, enough to give up a year of her life and dedicate it to a new and beautiful life. She shouldnt be condemned for making such a difficult decision.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25834276.post-80537570877896460462008-02-11T06:59:00.000-08:002008-02-11T06:59:00.000-08:00Thanks Mircojo--I did spend quite a long time inte...Thanks Mircojo--<BR/><BR/>I did spend quite a long time intereviewing the birth mothers; I did attend some reunions as well.<BR/><BR/>I *think* they carry the book at Kyobo bookstore in Seoul (if you, they could probably order it for you). There's always amazon, I suppose...<BR/><BR/>best,<BR/>marieGreenFertilityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10386105175441718294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25834276.post-84251779950776166062008-02-11T05:45:00.000-08:002008-02-11T05:45:00.000-08:00First of all I would like to say that I really lik...First of all I would like to say that I really like your blog. <BR/>I am a Korean adoptee from Europe who currently is living in Korea with my husband and children and working on my ph.d. I would like to write a ph.d. about Korean birthmothers (family)who have met their children who they gave up for adoption. Besides being interested in their 'general' experience, I am especially interested in their side of the 'reunion' story...., what were/are their hopes, expectations before and after the reunion. <BR/><BR/>I would love to read your novel...is there any way I can order it..? <BR/><BR/>mircojoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25834276.post-88625089274950042422007-09-11T14:24:00.000-07:002007-09-11T14:24:00.000-07:00Thanks for your comment, Andrea. I may be editori...Thanks for your comment, Andrea. I may be editorializing, but I am editorializing sincerely about my impressions in my relationships with people I know who are adopted.GreenFertilityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10386105175441718294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25834276.post-44410746519643533842007-09-11T11:50:00.000-07:002007-09-11T11:50:00.000-07:00You had me, until I got to the line about every la...You had me, until I got to the line about every last adopted child having an "ineffable loss of sadness." Come on! While I really respect your research and your attention to an often overlooked side of adoption, that line just reeks of your own editorializing.<BR/>It never works to apply a blanket reaction or mode of behavior to any group. Dare I say, not every holocost survivor gives off an air of sadness. I know adoptees who do and others -- grown children -- who have never thought twice of finding their birth parents. <BR/>I also know birth mothers who gave their kids up for adoption without enduring lifelong grief (my friends just adopted from a 27 year old lawyer and her boyfriend who accidentally got pregnant and decided that even though they could well manage the child, they didn't want it just then).<BR/>I do think it's very important to explore all these issues, but one of the things I found most troubling while recently completing my own adoption paperwork, was having some social worker tell me that my child "would" feel this way and respond that way. There's no saying what any individual child will think or feel, and I think these blanket assumptions are damaging.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25834276.post-1163773934018528652006-11-17T06:32:00.000-08:002006-11-17T06:32:00.000-08:00Thanks for sharing this, Ann. It's throguh eople ...Thanks for sharing this, Ann. It's throguh eople like you that we can all see that the mothering instinct is really the same, culturally, emtoionally, here or Korea of China...<BR/><BR/>peace,<BR/>marieGreenFertilityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10386105175441718294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25834276.post-1163765030035743852006-11-17T04:03:00.000-08:002006-11-17T04:03:00.000-08:00As a birth mother in the process of reunion who i...As a birth mother in the process of reunion who is about to meet her son I am in a very emotional state. I am constantly suprised at how little society - even the most apparently well informed - understand the realities of the adoption experience. I have been to two counsellors who, although excellent in their field, had absolutely no idea of what the adoption experience meant to me. Birth mothers are indeed written out of history. In order for the process to work it is necessary to negate the birth mother's pain. Would you be able to keep a child you had adopted if you ever fully faced up to what their natural mother might be experiencing? I say this with the utmost love and understanding for adoptive parents - they have their own pain. I have never forgotten my son, I loved him very deeply and stayed with him for seven weeks. In fact, the bond I have with him has grown over the years. The e xperienced of giving him up shaped my entire life.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25834276.post-1148737632632821092006-05-27T06:47:00.000-07:002006-05-27T06:47:00.000-07:00Thanks for stopping by, "Cookie" :) and adding som...Thanks for stopping by, "Cookie" :) and adding some really valuable insights! I agree, I think we all want to know where we come from...<BR/><BR/>marieGreenFertilityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10386105175441718294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25834276.post-1148713563727254432006-05-27T00:06:00.000-07:002006-05-27T00:06:00.000-07:00Hi Marie,Just popping in! Had to tell ecokim, that...Hi Marie,<BR/><BR/>Just popping in! Had to tell ecokim, that most birth moms I know do not consider "being found" to be a disruption, but a blessing.<BR/><BR/>As a found birth mom myself, I consider being found a wondrous gift. My son loves his adoptive parents deeply too, but wanted/needed to know me too.Cookiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09360315335057586498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25834276.post-1148222580449960542006-05-21T07:43:00.000-07:002006-05-21T07:43:00.000-07:00Yes, the birth parent search can be a loaded issue...Yes, the birth parent search can be a loaded issue...there is a good movie that's been shown on pbs, Searching for the Heart of Adoption (?) by Sheila Ganz--she's a birth mother who interviewed all these adoptees. Very powerful, complex stuff.<BR/><BR/>Good luck on whatever you choose to do--or what chooses you!<BR/><BR/>-marieGreenFertilityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10386105175441718294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25834276.post-1148142258314139892006-05-20T09:24:00.000-07:002006-05-20T09:24:00.000-07:00It is so important to show the other side of adopt...It is so important to show the other side of adoption. I am sure many people consider the fact that an adopted child would want to seek out his/her origins, but the reality of that is an intense experience, that can no doubt be consuming for the adopted individual. I have a good friend who was adopted - domestically. His mother was young and simply could not take care of him. He knows this, and loves his adoptive parents deeply. He doesn't want to find his birth-mother and disrupt her life and is content to love the family he has.<BR/>I cannot imagine how I would feel. It is definitely a very complex situation, filled with emotions, that no party should enter lightly.<BR/><BR/>Marie - I have really been enjoying your blog. Nice work!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com